Anyone who knows me will know that I am having a hard time coming to terms with turning the big three zero.

My wild twenties started when I was fifteen years old, drinking, clubbing, drugging and even grafting hard as a waitress three to four times per week. By the time I was 21 I was used to earning 20k a month, had found a guy and was about to hang up my party shoes and get married. Three years later, baby number one arrived and two years after that baby number two was with us. I feel pretty damn old already and don’t need the pressure of the dirty thirties to remind of firstly how young I actually am still- some people are just starting their lives, settling into marriages and careers dammit! Here I am feeling all lived out!

And yet, on the other hand their is this enormous pile of ‘things I still need to do before I turn thirty’ that I am wading through, constantly reminding me of how far I still have to go!

Topping my list of not done’s include publishing a book, getting my blue belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, competing in a gi and no gi tournament and  having at least one boxing fight. Surely it’s not too much to expect? Or is it?

The whole idea of women who ‘have it all’ has always been something I have advocated as totally possible. You can have a business/ career and raise a family, it doesn’t have to be one or the other- but it will consume you! All I do is work and spend time with the kids, its an 18 hour, seven day’s a week gig. Carving out time for health or spiritual, or intellectual goals are next to impossible and if you manage to do so, chances are you won’t be consistent in the work required.

If I find the time in my crazy schedule to train for an hour and a half and manage to keep this up four times in the week, I will feel like I am winning at life-but the reality is the younger women, the ones with no kids or ones who are not running a fast growing business, are putting in double or triple the time in that I am – and I can never compete with that.

And while I sit trying to remove dried Pronutro from another cereal bowl left in a rush on the table this morning, wishing I was at the gym, I hear a training buddy’s voice in my head telling me that I am basically her hero for juggling business, family and training!

I guess in the end one person’s idea of  ‘having it all’ is not the same as another and the reality is that we are only racing against ourselves in reaching these goals. As long as I am moving forward just 1% each day, it is an improvement from yesterday- I just need a little reminding  every now and then.